First, before you
can fill out a bigmembership
form and reap all the LARGE benefits of being a bigmember.....you
must first measure up. This is a pain free easy, interactive process.
At the bottom of this page, there is a ruler.
Place your appendage near the ruler when it is in its most extended
mood. Our Cathode Interpretive Diode Distance Beam will electronically
measure your Member. After placing said member near the ruler,
click on "Measure MY Member Now." Results will be automatically
displayed on your screen. If you measure up, fill in the bigmembership
form at the bottom and send it in.
a) If you are allowed
in, you will be eligible for the basic "Woody Level" membership.
You will receive, for only $9.99 including shipping and handling
a framed bigmember
Certificate in your name for proud display. Your bigmembership
could also possibly give you great discounts on some of our famous
products listed below. That is, when they are finally produced
and made available to the well membered public.
a) Eight dozen
chafe cream (works great, just ask Logman).
quick spray (for disinfecting if bigmember
touches a dirty bowl).
mega sheaths (also useful for temporary shelter during maritime
e) The famous bigmember
Morning Downward Bender. This amazing tool allows direct urination
in the A.M.*
. .and this is only a spattering of what we will offer.
Warning. The bigmember
bender should not be attached to the tongue. Never strap this
to a child under the age of 5. If the strap attachment is loose,
bigmember rapid flinging
can occur. Remove the Velcro strip before using. Do not use this
product if the bigmember
is blue, red or bent more than 45 degrees to the left. Do not
share this unit. To disinfect, soak unit in pure isopropyl alcohol
for 8 days. Do not suck on this object. Do not insert this object
in the rectum or nostrils.
Woody: $9.99 will get you a
now, until we get an easy payment system, if you are qualified
to be a bigmember, send us an email
with you name and address. We will send you information on how
to pay by email. Thank you.)
Once we get our
member guidelines straight, we may also offer the following membership