Men,
are you sitting down? Clever is not the word for this device.
The Member Bender is an adjustable, completely adaptable unit
that safely holds an erect member in a downward angle for morning
erection urination! Tired of waiting for the big drop? Tired of
spraying your entire bathroom wall? Tired of not being able to
relieve yourself after a quickie? Tired of faking belly
bound? Well, this is the answer my friends. 12 adjustments
let you customize the grab to your private slab. No pinching,
and comfortable for most users. There are however a few warnings.
So we ask that you read them here. There is also one new warning
from the FMC (Federal Members Council) that we mention here at
the end...as part of our settlement to properly label this amazing
creation.
*WARNING:
The
member bender should not be attached to the tongue. Never strap
this to a child under the age of 5. If the strap attachment is
loose, rapid member flinging can occur. Remove the Velcro strip
before using. Do not use this product if the member is blue, red
or bent more than 45 degrees to the left. Do not share this unit.
If bloody sores appear after use, stop using it. To disinfect,
soak unit in pure isopropyl alcohol for 8 days. Do not suck on
this object. Do not insert this object in the rectum or nostrils.
Please
Read this special FMC mandated supplementary note: If you
are a Bantu Pygmy, or of Bantu/Congolese Pygmy, Congolese Pygmy,
or of Zairian Pygmy decent, or you have any of the following
diseases: Microgenitalia, Double Member Stage 1; or if your
member is greater than 4 inches in diameter*; or if ONE of your
parents was a short, stocky person with one of those turtle
neck collar members; or if your member does not maintain an
erection for more than 2 minutes,... DO NOT USE THIS DEVICE!
Several instances of spring back and belly bruise have been
reported in a statistical sample of 40 such users. Thank you,
bigmembers.
For
our customers, it is important to relate this information. This
FMC warning arose after some Argentinean Vicunya farmers (with
amazingly THICK members) used our device to suspend from Capocca
Trees to win favor of young virgin Argentinean Vicunya farmer
girls. We have petitioned the FMC, and submitted 3 FOIL requests
to get the actual reports, but have been continually turned down.
Testimonials:
"I
never had the opportunity to drain easily prior to a quick shower,
but now, with the bender, I can just squirt away, comfortably,
cleanly and without any burn!" Martin Crutchmonger, Detroit, MI
"My
weanie was flying all over the place one morning. I strapped on
the bender, and man what a wonder. And, I found out that I can
also eat breakfast with it on!" Herman Dorman, West Haven, CT
Eventually
available to our customers for only 32.22 each!!!!
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