The Blue Flame

Flatulent Moments in History By Dillon Couchcushion

December 1, 1734:

Margaret "Little Margie" Stencilcraft emerges in France as the Lady of the Fume. A deformed sphincter, with amazing fluidity, allows Stencilcraft to produce a tuba like sound from her tiny rump. She is jailed in 1735 when she causes the HMS Fortune to run aground.

January 4, 1969:

John Edwards Martin strikes a chord with the Woodstock crowd when he exudes a gaseous bubble from a Yasger Farm pond. The miasma contains lysergic acid fumes and intoxicates 12 people. Martin's a...hole is impounded as an illegal dispenser of drugs. He dies in prison during a marathon butt sniffing contest.

June 22, B.C. 100:

Gligflabin Urgumbo Ug Ug uses two inflated tapir carcasses to collect six Wooly Mammoth releases that he then uses to subdue a giant Cave Sloth. The Cave Sloth awakens while being dragged from the cave and eats Ug Ug.

March 9, 2002:

Norm Kim, a Korean pharmacist is injured when his partner Gim Flang accidently releases a toxic blow next to a kerosene lamp. Kim was removing a pin pong ball from Flang's flank at the time.

May 10, 1942:

Dr. Richard Listinbergermeisterwitz, also known as Dr. Anus, discovers the Mr. Bubbly Bath Tub Fume Brightener.