ITS FINALLY HERE! SCHLONGCO'S NEW Genitometer.
12- THATS RIGHT, TWELVE sensitivity levels with dual sex measurement
capability now in ONE model! You remember the Schlongometer right? Well,
this is double the fun! Great for all sexual orientations. Tired of milling
about? Tired of the BIG let down? Tired of the HAND test? Well, now nothing
to ever worry ABOUT AGAIN!!!!!
Almost as small as a beeper...Reel in the large instruments with this little
instrument. Under normal operating conditions, completely safe to use (unless
the beam is directed into the cornea from 2 inches away), this fun device can
travel anywhere. AND!!! Its water proof. Thats right! Its water proof.
HOW THE GENITOMETER WORKS:
In 1993, Schmeck Hemway was tinkering with his tools (no, not those tools),
and found that an inter-relay semi-diode conditioner, applied to a laser directional
focus arm, could direct and then receive accurate measurments of objects from
several feet away. His first experiments were conducted in his kitchen, using
salted pretzel sticks. To his amazement, the laser guided focus arm, measured
the pretzel sticks accurately up to 1/8 of an inch! And from up to 40 feet away!
With a little work, in 1995 he released the Shlongometer, which helped wayward
woman, lonesome mamas, and generally horny females to accurately secure the
length and girth of any "MEMBER" that was dangling within distance. An instant
hit! The Shlongometer sold 99,000,000 pieces in 10 months. But that wasn't enough,
Schmeck (his friends call him Schmecky), found that the laser direction focus
arm, could also take the accurate circumference of a jar opening, or other orifice.
Well, now things were swinging. Schmecky made a few adaptations to the Shlongometer,
and within 8 months had the GENITOMETER prototype. And, to boot, he was able
to add the famous, and exculsive, nipple to breast ratio button, that temporarily
dampens the laser beam, causing it to send back a quick DOUBLE signal. And yes,
whether they're double D's or not!! With the 3 stage circumcision descrimination,
you'll know whether the package has all the goods, a snip, or a major hatchet
job! There really is nothing like the GENITOMETER. Twelve sensitivity levels
make the beam accurate under tables, around corners, under bar stools, and on
some occasions, even through bathroom doors! Its amazing, plain and simple.
Here are some testimonials from our many satisfied customers:
"...I was doubtful, but that first night, when I got home with Carla,
Man, was I amazed. 2 jars of K-Y later and the proof was in the pudding (no
pun intended)."Robby Dimslot, Pinwip, Oregon.
"...Man, o man, Harry looked like any other pecker, but when I took a
GENITOMETER reading, WOWEEE, 12.3 inches! He was mine from that moment on.
And we are engaged!!!!"Tina Needabigone, Fafut, Vermont.
"...The GENITOMETER has changed my life, I can now get the little 4 inchers
that my tiny body desires!!" Gilda Gladstone, Stiffless, Kansas.
"...Woweee, Kazaweee, got me a 14 incher Maw!!!!!" Bobby Jo Vulvutta,
Crably, Mississippi. Email Order Form Today
Complete Confidentiality Guaranteed!!! 2 year warranty
IMPORTANT INFORMATION: Can not be used in the following situations:
Venetian Saunas, Lava Pits, On Planes that are soaring higher than 3000 feet,
or on Antartic Ice Slabs. Please note: this unit is not meant to be inserted
in any body orifice. It is not designed to be chewed, or otherwise mouthed.
Please read directions carefully before use. Direct contact with Laser diode
can result in 5th degree burns. Never direct the beam at an infant. Never direct
the beam at your tongue. Requires 8 AA batteries to operate. AC/DC charger sold
seperately. Do not use near pace makers, artificial limbs, oriental dwarfs,
whales, transexuals undergoing operations, or natives of some South Pacific
Islands. Do not drop, or kick. Never point into, or onto your rectum, or ear.
Never point at nuclear detonation devices.
COMING SOON!!: GENITOMETER II with testicle girth and hang ratio!!!
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